Who feels like this post breakup? I can't figure out if it means that the breakup was the right move, or that the universe is planning great things, or both. Or...what. Because I feel so peaceful. So zen. So calm and collected and solid. It's the very last way I expected to feel.

Let's play a game where I post pictures that reflect how I feel.

I believe that the universe is conspiring to give us presents. Thing is, the universe has a whack way of handling itself and our lives. For instance, one could think of a gift from the universe as being something like your gym teacher handing out clothespins to all of your fellow students rather than telling you directly that your feet stink. Once the clothespins are out, and everyone has one but you, you have to isolate the issue. On the one hand, it's an insulting gesture. On the other, if you take it for what it is, without making it personal, it's a gesture that nips a problem at the bud. Okay, so it's probably not the best parallel in the world, but hopefully you get what I'm saying.

Lately, it's been feeling like I can't quite catch a break, like the universe has started throwing curve balls and yelling, "GO! GO! GO! Catch as many as you can! GO!" all the while aiming for my head and my heart. It's a little difficult. But also a little invigorating and a lot strengthening. For a while, I've felt like I've simply been traveling through a series of rooms, each room containing one door. My choice consists of either staying inside the room, or going through that door. Suddenly, though, I'm standing in a ballroom whose walls consist of nothing but doors. My choice is now to stay in the ballroom or pick one of a 101 doors to enter, but I can't preview any of the doors ahead of time. My choice must be based on clues I retain from the rooms that I've already been through - my life so far.

Here's the thing. Being a naturally cautious person in life, I try to play it safe. All the time. This entails not making decisions until I think that I have mapped out all possible futures and am okay with any of them happening. It's silly of course, and purely psychological, because as cracked.com explains, science has come up with this little thing called the Copenhagen Interpretation which basically means that anything is possible at any moment. Meaning, I can't pretend to anticipate all of the outcomes of my decision. Sucks to be me.

In recent days, through a series of different occurrences, I've come to realize that I hedge my bets. I am a bonafide bet-hedger. Which is altogether not a good thing to be and sits dangerously close on the shelf to the intent to "have one's cake and eat it too," and we all know that that simply doesn't work out too well. When you try to have your cake and eat it too, usually your ass catches on fire and everyone hates you. (That's barely an exaggeration). Now I find myself in a situation akin to straddling a spreading fault line that's spreading at an alarmingly rapid rate. I have a very small window of time in which to jump to one side or the other before I fall down into the crack and both options more or less disappear. Thanks, universe. You're a pal.

I'm scared of large changes. Adjustments have always been difficult for me. Any of you who have read my other posts will know this. Transitions are the bane of my existence. I'm getting better (thanks again, universe, for making me move 3 times in a year), but am not all there yet. So even when I know what I need to do. What will, on a fundamental, gut level, be the best option for me. I balk. I want to have a preview of all of those doors in the ballroom, just to confirm that what I think is behind the one that I want, really is behind it.

Here's to improving, and improving soon!