It was recently mentioned to me, in a shockingly offhand, by-the-by way, that I ought to be spending a minimum of 15 hours a week on my thesis. As though, you know, 15 hours isn't really a big deal. "Oh, just 15 hours, here and there, no biggie." I suppose that that's really only about 2 hours every day, which doesn't seem so bad, but it still took me by surprise. I guess I hadn't bothered to take the time to figure out what writing a thesis meant, how much time would actually be necessary to pull off something I could be proud of...

I had another spazz attack in Starbucks yesterday afternoon when I was suddenly overcome with the urge to scribble "IHATEYOU!!!" and "DAMMIT, BATAILLE" all over my notes in a kind of maniacal frenzy. I resisted. I have recently discovered that I am running the risk of inadvertently arguing that Dillard and Thoreau have simply written allegories for what Bataille has already argued. Which is NOT the point of a thesis. Which means that I have to find a different question to ask. So that's what I was doing yesterday. Going back through all of my notes with a blood red highlighter, trying to find interesting overlaps. Turns out, there are lots of interesting overlaps. My problem is finding ONE that I feel I can explore with enthusiasm!

Then I got more irked today in my Nietzsche class because it turns out that one of the ideas that I was most enthusiastic about possibly pursuing is a little too like one of Nietzsche's ideas. For heaven's sake! Can't a girl get a break?? I came up with the darn idea before knowing that Nietzsche had done something with it - doesn't that count for something? It ought to. Pft.

Presenting my new proposal (which is sort of wrong, now) and my annotated bibliography in my thesis seminar tonight ought to be interesting... Everyone will get a copy of my neatly typed ideas and then I will suddenly whip out my crinkled and scribbled upon notes, and my ratty notebook and be all "BUT WAIT!" and then proceed to confuse the crap out of everyone. Anne McGuire is going to be SO pleased with me. I think I might sort of be in trouble because I have too much information to wade through.

And my dear old chum WILLIAM BLAKE keeps inserting himself into my thoughts. So I can't get away from him either. In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn't have gone back and read my final paper for last semester's Blake class... All I have to say is that I am quite pleased that Professor Dawson is so willing to humor my erratic behavior and slightly crazed emails. I can't be thankful enough that he is my advisor and feels that I am "just the one" to pull off a "great project" that is "lurking" in my texts. Hallelujah. At least someone has faith.

Additionally, I should probably cease and desist passing an average of 2 hours on the phone every night. THOSE TWO HOURS SHOULD BE DEDICATED TO THE THESIS!! Really, though. It's not intentional, but it's sort of like quicksand for the passage of time... The scary thing is that those phone conversations would probably be more like 8 hours if I didn't eventually return to my senses and remember that I have a debt to pay to that little thing we call Responsibility.

I have to worry about my resume, too...it's embarrassing. I have this sense that the woman at the CDO was shocked and horrified by what I handed in...like, "This girl expects to get a JOB in the next year??" Oops? Good thing I now have access to a video presentation of how to create a WINNING resume. I'm gonna memorize that shit. Don't you doubt it. Perhaps I can simply win over prospective employers with my witty charm and devilish good looks.

Ha.

Ha Ha Ha.

If only things were really that easy.

...Blackmail?

I can be maaad sneaky when I want to be. The acquisition of compromising information wouldn't be too difficult.

Of course, having just written that, I suddenly remembered that this blog is public and any future employer could stumble across it, read the above statement, and take it seriously. So I retract it. I don't do blackmail. I just do complete and total win.

And now...annotations here I come.