Being a timid perfectionist is a pain in the butt.

What's really difficult for me: Admitting that I'm bad at something.

What's really easy for me: Pretending that I just don't want to do something when, in fact, I might want to do it, but I'm be bad at it. And I don't want anyone to know.

For instance, I had really hard time agreeing to have the training wheels taken off of my bike when I was little because I didn't want to face the embarrassment of falling over sideways the first few times I tried to ride it.

I also avoid playing video games because, having never played them growing up or in college, I royally stink at them. They are about as far from intuitive for me as anything can get, and I have no concept of how to control anything. The best I got at video games was Super Mario World for my Gameboy Color. That was my flash in the pan.

I won't play them now because I am embarrassed by my utter suckiness. I don't want people to judge me. Once, I tried to play something where I had to kill zombies and I could tell that my boyfriend was getting more and more frustrated with my inability to walk, look, and shoot simultaneously, so I handed off the controller to him and let him play with his roommate. While I looked on, hugging a pillow.

I really despise being bad at things, but it is only recently that I've managed to shove pride far enough out of the way to where I'm just okay enough about being bad at something that, if I'm interested, I'll keep trying it so that I can get better. Like normal people do. It's taken me 24 years to get to where normal people were when they were 3.

Also, I'll even go ahead and do something that I THINK I'll probably be bad at, just in case I'm not actually that bad at it. Like the 5k run/obstacle course in which I partook this past weekend. Old me? Heck no. I might get stuck along the way, better not do it. New me? Heck yes. I might get through the whole thing and feel invigorated.

The fact is, I've only just really understood that there's more to be gained from being really horrible at something, but doing it, than there is to be gained from avoiding doing anything out of fear of failure. Not exactly a lightbulb moment for most people, I don't think, but it was a freakin' lightning storm to me. I'm appreciating this newfound sense of freedom. It's the physical sister of the intangible freedom you feel when you realize it's easier to be honest and whatever way makes you feel most comfortable than it is to sit around, trying to figure out what you think other people might like you to be like.

This weekend? Might go shoot a gun and miss the target a bazillion times because I do not know how to shoot guns and I am nearsighted, particularly in my right eye, but I am psyched.